Zhül sat at her desk in the dorm she'd been given, and wrote down some notes.
'Urooboeth', she wrote, 'seems like a very nice dragonet. When we spoke it was almost like everything I did was important to him. I guess that when you're little, and don't have much experiences under your belt, every little thing is new and exciting.' She paused, and then put the quill back to the paper. 'But I worry - because some of the things he offered to do, not just for me, but I heard him later on talking to someone else, and even in the egg hall where some drudge was picking things up, he's so... Well, unselfish! That's not a bad thing, but...'
"Wow," Zhül said quietly to herself, "that's sounding a lot like me." She chuckled to herself and rubbed her eyes with her left lower hand, while the right upper continued to write.
'I worry because when Nayi would tell me I was letting people walk all over me, I didn't see it. Maybe there's a lesson I can learn from Urooboeth even if he doesn't choose me to bond with.'
She tapped her nails against the desk, and formulated more.
'Now, that big Antaakutsuath, she was pretty impressive. I could listen to her voice all day - in fact I think I did.' Zhül giggled, 'I wonder if she ever shuts up? But I wouldn't want her to anyway. She's insightful, and I've never heard so many compliments about my hair or my markings, or my arms - or other people when they passed by! It was such a nice change to listen to someone who had a nice thing to say about me.'
Zhül sighed, "yup, that's me, poor poor Zhül... Always taking abuse..."
She snickered. Since her Search, actually since just before then when Alexi helped her break through about the cheerleaders, Zhül was acting a little more self-protective and less victimized.
Zhül wondered though, what about when she would graduate? After her dragon was grown, after all she still had this year plus two more to go and dragons would grow much in that time, what then?
Would she be made to head home to Zedd? If the Spirit Seekers wanted her to continue her ritual work they might have another thing coming.
"They should find their own power," she muttered. It was about time to tell them she was grown up, and while she felt a depth of love for them all, she also knew that they didn't reciprocate the emotion. Perhaps one or two of the elders, but most of the ones who had actually raised her were either dead themselves now, or so old they could not attend her.
But ... 'But I've got these powers...' She thought.
It was a hard feeling, torn between duty to her people, and her religion, and the fact that after experiencing the freedoms she had at Carramba she really wanted to try making her own way in the multiverse. Why should she be tied down to one aspect of one culture? When there were so many others?
Zhül stood up and strode out of her dorm, her long hair waving behind her like a grey flag. She headed down to the hatching chambers, where the hatchling dragonets from Caligoth's clutch resided. She paused at the entrance to their little warm den.
"May I enter?" She asked of one of the sires, the blue-green one named Fimokodoth. He sniffed at her and decided that she was safe, and moved aside. "Thank you, sir."
She heard his rumbling laugh but not his mental voice, she knew that he would be saying how she didn't have to call him 'sir'.
And yet, she did, because that was how she was raised.
Zhül looked about, in the dimly lit room. It wasn't sweltering like it would be on the hatching sands (and she thanked every god existing that she hadn't needed to be there - everyone's eyes on the candidates and all that pressure?) but it was pleasantly warm and without a breeze.
She cast her eyes across the room, trying to locate the two dragonets who had spoken with her before. The others included a stand-offish male, one who almost lept into the shadows every time something moved, and even one who kept moving things back and forth in her den area. Finally Zhül spied one, the male.
"Urooboeth, I ask you a question?" She said, and the dragonet picked his head up. "And, if you don't mind, is Antaakutsuath around? I'd like to ask her opinion too."
The medium-sized dragonet got up and cheerfully swept around the dens, until he found the other dragon. She trailed after him chatting with everyone in their path.
What is it, Zhül? Is something wrong? You seem like you're worried about something. I hope nothing's wrong! Bespoke the bigger sized female.
Yes, I would like to know if there's any way I could help? The male said.
Zhül hemmed and hawed for a moment, before the glassy whirling gazes of two young eager dragons provoked her to say, "I don't know if I want to go home, after I find my bond dragon."
But you have to return home, sometime, don't you? Asked the female. Where would you stay if not at home?
"Home... well, I ..." Zhül said, "I have a place at Carramba High School, and I really like it there. I'm making friends," she looked away, and pushed her hair behind her ear with her upper hand, "well, some friends anyway, and some enemies, but ... People like me there! And, well, my home ..."
Don't people like you at home? I don't think that's right, bespoke the male, Home should be where everyone loves you. Our parents love us, and we all have each other.
"But ... I don't have parents," Zhül said sadly and quieter than usual. It hit her for the first time in her teenage life: she was an orphan, her parents spirits were even lost to her forever. Her only family was the Spirit Seekers, and all they did was use her. "They died when I was a very young baby."
Suddenly the pair of dragonets burst into action, moving near the Zeddian and supporting her by plopping down right on either side of her.
We didn't know that!
We're sorry - we didn't mean to bring that up! They spoke, the sentiment echoed in both.
"It's all right, I didn't talk about it before because I was so excited to even be here at all... But now, I ... I know I will bond here," she said to both, looking at them significantly, "but when I was at home... I have duties."
She explained what she did for the Seekers, how their society worked. It was complicated, and Urooboeth asked a lot of questions, but Zhül felt better after explaining how she felt about going home. The dragons pondered this situation silently. Perhaps they spoke between themselves, Zhül didn't know.
Duty is important, the male announced. But don't you have a duty to yourself first?
No one has let you decide what you're going to do with yourself, the female told her. We think that you should go home - someday. You should tell them that you'll be back, write to them or something so they know you won't be there right away.
Zhül blinked away some tears that had started to form in her pale yellow-tan eyes. She nodded, "thank you. I ... I might do that. I didn't expect to feel so alone out here. I'm glad you're here to help me."
We are glad to be of help! The male butted his head against her shoulder. If there is anything I can do to make you feel comfortable I'll be right here.
Me too! Bespoke the female, excited again. Whatever happens, I know you'll be okay now. Chin up! We'll be watching for you!
Zhül got up and brushed the sand from her pants, "thank you both. I wonder when we're all going to find out which of us has bonded?"
The dragons seemed to share another brief communication, but said nothing more to her as she left.
Zhül was so happy that the hatchlings had finally been brought out to bond, that she almost forgot she'd have to be headed back to Carramba High soon. But even when she remembered, it wasn't a big deal. She liked it there. She felt so much better after her talk with the dragonets.
Caligoth was still nervous about the bonding. It was not surprising to Zhül anyway, since the picky mother had a very big job ahead of her. Allowing her babies to go forth into their worlds... She may never even see them again!
Suddenly Zhül was pained. Should she immediately go back to Carramba? Knowing that the offspring would hardly have contact with their parents?
***But at last, at long last, Cali ' announced to the weyr that they were ready. The candidates were led to the sands where they stood facing the clutch mother and her blue and blue-green mates, Jeri' watching the candidates with an almost fatherly expression and Finom' glowering at Caligoth for delaying this day. He had more faith in his offspring than she seemed to show. After a very long, thorough talk with each of my children, we are ready for them to let their choice known. Be warned, if any of you even think of abandoning one of my children, I personally will see to your most unpleasant demise. She punctuated her point with a deep-throated growl, cut off by Jeri' glaring at her. ”She does not mean that... I believe every single one of you will make excellent bonds for our children. You've been waiting long enough, so I'll not keep them any longer.”
Jeri' stepped aside and revealed the group of dragonets to the crowd of candidates. Antaakutsuath. Caligoth rumbled, sounding rather like a teacher checking names off on a role-call. The large female hurried forth, darting between her parents and toward the girl she'd wanted from the moment she had met the oddest candidate to grace Draco's Inferno's sands.
Zhül , there was never any doubt in my mind that you were the best for me! the white proclaimed, pushing herself up and into the woman's lower set of arms. It took Zhül a few moments to fully comprehend what had happened, while Anta' happily led her from the sands, already talking her ear off.***
The dragon's warm mind kept buffeting Zhül's with her questions. Where would they be headed, what classes would they be allowed to be in together?
That was one question that Zhül couldn't answer yet. She hardly even knew if the dragonet would be on the campus most of the time. And suddenly she couldn't bear being apart.
She hugged Antaakutsuath fiercely with both sets of arms. "I love you my dragon friend, I promise never to leave you."
Sometimes it's okay, Antaa declared with a headbutt. But I know what you mean. I wonder if we will be able to sit together in your classrooms? They might get a little small for me though. I won't be a small dragon! I will be big!
Laughing, Zhül decided it would be for the best, to just head back to Carramba for her dragoning classes and to fill out her schedule with other education. And worry about the details later.
